It Was You
by sorion
Summary: It ain't over till it's over...


**Title:** It Was You  
**Author:** sorion  
**Fandom:** Torchwood  
**Warning: ****MAJOR SPOILER FOR 304**  
**Pairing:** You have to ask?  
**Word count:** ~1700

**Author's Note:** To make you lot (and me) feel better :)

* * *

**It Was You**

_Jack!_

In the small, cold cockpit, Jack jerked awake, blinked for a moment and then rubbed his traitorously wet eyes.  
Not forgetting someone should have been possible to do more easily, shouldn't it? It had been weeks! And _still_ he could hear his voice.

Mostly, the voice came when he was asleep, but more recently, it haunted him while awake, too. The dreams didn't lessen, either, they became more and more clear, offering voices in the back, talking at him or with him or just _talk_, period.  
It took him a while to make out the words. At first, it had just been his name that he clearly understood. Well, not _his_ name. A dead man's name. A dead man calling a dead man's name.

_Jack…_ just whispered, this time, and Jack closed his eyes against the voice in his head.

"Still not properly awake, I guess," he murmured to himself and decided to make some cof- no. No coffee.

_What are you doing in there, Jack?_

"Doing in where?" he answered automatically. It was the first time he answered out loud. He didn't dare to, before. It was bad enough that in his dreams he couldn't stop it, but while awake, he would not let himself. Eternity was more than enough to drive someone to madness, but eternity had never felt so final, before. Never.

There was a static noise somewhere _behind_… behind the loudest voice. _His_ voice.

_What?_ Jack knew that the word somehow wasn't directed at him. _Jack? Can you hear me?_

What was worse? Eternity in madness or eternity alone? He gave up the fight against the single tear leaving his eye. He choked on the words, but said them, anyway.  
"Yes, I can hear you." He didn't add the _'damn you'_; he didn't have it in him.

Rushed noises, voices. _Just… hang in there, Jack Harkness, do you hear me?_ The voice sounded frantic, afraid, maybe tentatively hopeful.

Jack laughed a single, hurt laugh. "I've nowhere to go." He wouldn't be getting off this ship in a while. He didn't care to, either.  
Nowhere to go, nothing to see, nothing to do but talk to a ghost.

_Just keep talking to him!_

Jack flinched. He knew that voice, too. Knew it well. "Gwen?" His eyes wandered around the darkened walls. Hearing ghosts was one thing, but hearing the living?

_Keep talking, okay. Uh… I… I guess you can hear me, then. Uh… um._

Jack knew that tone of voice; and, real or not, he couldn't hold back a smile. "Are you blushing?"

_I… really hope you won't hold anything I said against me. You know… times of stress and all…_

"You told me you love me, Ianto Jones, don't you dare take that back."

_Gwen laughed._

_Laugh at me, why don't you?_

Jack laughed. "God, I miss you."

_Go on!_

_I'm going on! I am. It's just…_

Jack's smile wavered. He knew it was all in his head, but something was… off. Not about the things in his head, but… How did he get on this ship?  
He shook himself. First sign of delusions, they make you believe they're real. His jaw clenched, decisively.

_Maybe if you explain…?_

_He won't believe me! That's what this does!_

_Explain._ Gwen could be pretty damn convincing when she wanted to be.

_Uh… Jack… whatever you think you're seeing, it's not real._

"Yeah, right. I wish."

_Look, I don't know what it is, but it's bad, right? Really bad?_

"The worst," he whispered.

_The worst? But it's not real. We need you back, Jack._

Jack shot up and out of his seat and stumbled into the back of the ship. "Stop it!" he yelled. "It's bad enough as it is! Just stop it!"

He grasped the edge of the small sink, grasped it until it hurt, until he could almost feel his fingers breaking under the strain, making sure that his mind stayed where it was, where it was forced to belong…

_Nonono. Jack. NO!_

Jack let go, startled. Not because of the command, but because the voice sounded like it would fade away. He couldn't... couldn't. Couldn't let it happen.  
His legs gave out and he stumbled to the floor. Both his hands were trembling. Now, he really was crying.

_Okay… Are you still here? Please, Jack?_

Jack nodded. "Yeah, I'm here. Pathetic idiot that I am, but I'm here." He rolled his eyes. "I'd rather talk to a dead guy than keep my last shred of sanity."

_I… I'm sorry about what I said before, about stress and all that. I… I really love you._

The last part was whispered, like he was afraid that he'd be heard, and it made Jack smile. The smile faded once more when he remembered just how big a coward he himself was.  
"I love you, too." He might as well, since this was only a delusion.

_You've never been gone this long, Jack. Please come back to me._

"I wish I could." He really did. At this point, he wished he could just die… Ianto seemed to do alright wherever the hell he was. Even if it was just in his head. They could continue to exist in people's heads. Maybe haunt Gwen or something.

The thing was, he couldn't die.

_You just have to… dunno… destroy whatever world you're in._

_Oh, that was helpful._

_What do you want me to say? I don't know where the poison brought him in his mind!_

"I suppose I could just blow up the ship. Then I'd float in a limbo till the end of time or until someone finds my body." Jack snorted. "Not just delusions, but suicidal delusions. Great."

_Jack… I'm here waiting for you._

"Yeah… that's exactly what I want to hear, and you know it," he said, tapping the side of his head "Not doing it."

_Ianto, just… Let me handle this. Jack? If you can hear me… if we were only in your imagination, as I'm sure you must think by now, how come we don't know where you are? If we're in your mind, we'd know._

_That's a good point…_

"Yeah, but if you were in my mind, you'd know that I'd question that, wouldn't you?"

_… But if his mind wanted to trick him, it would know that. Jack…_

Jack's hand snapped to his ear. He was almost sure he could feel the breath of air…

_This whole thing, Jack. It was never about the kids, this time. It was about __**you**__. They wanted to get you out of the way. And, Jack, they're succeeding. You're not waking up._

Jack's fingers wandered to his lips and he closed his eyes.

_You're not coming back to me._

Jack rubbed his eyes and nose. "Kiss me, again, and I might just do it."

The sob burst out of him before he could stop it when he felt a pressure on his lips that couldn't possibly have been there. He choked and yelled and shot up, again. "Shit!"

He stumbled to the cockpit, ripped off a control panel and rammed the first piece of scrap metal he could find into it with all his might, before he could make himself stop and think.

He stood, watching sparks, lights, smoke… "I don't care anymore if it's real or not," he said emotionlessly, his cheeks glistening from the tears on his face and the little fireworks in front of him. "I'd rather be in a mindless limbo forever than without my mind and heart right here."

His eyes darted around in the empty air where the voices came from. "You better know what you're doing, Ianto!" he yelled "You know damn well that I _hate_ being blown up!"

_Oh, my God. I think it's working… Jack?_

Jack laughed, madly. "At least kiss me again while this goes up. I could use it."

The hull breach started a loud alarm screech that was shut up because the power went out only seconds after.

Jack really, really hated being blown up. And when the explosion came it…

…

… it went…  
… **black**.

Jack would have laughed if he could have.

Instead he gasped for breath.  
Shaky hands held him up, and for a brief moment he didn't dare to look…

"Jack?"

Ianto was caught in a crushing embrace before he knew what hit him, but he didn't mind one bit. He didn't mind that he was being kissed by lips that actually responded, either.  
Once his mouth was free to talk, he said: "You must have had quite the adventure in there."

"Yeah…" Jack still breathed harshly and swung his legs over the edge of the table he was lying on. "What the hell was that?"

Ianto steadied him with a warm, warm hand on his back. So warm. Like the lips.  
"They knew they couldn't kill you for good, so they trapped you in your mind with the poison. And just because they are evil alien bastards, they made it your worst fear."

"My worst…" Jack blinked, then stared into those blue eyes.

Ianto avoided his eyes for a moment, like he didn't want to even imagine what the worst fear could be for a man who had seen the things Jack had seen. "I guess it was bad?"

"It was." He shook himself. "What about _them_. What happened to them?" He tried to get up and was annoyed by the fact that apparently he couldn't stand unaided. Just how long had he been lying there, for fuck's sake?!

"We do know how to hold our own without you, you know" Gwen said, standing aside, smiling at him.

Jack only now noticed that they were not alone. Gwen, Rhys and... the girl. Damn, he still wasn't properly awake.

Ianto kept steadying him, preferring to keep Jack as close as humanly and decently possible. "Doesn't mean we want to have to hold our own without you."

Jack felt his strength and wit slowly come back. (Lois was the girl's name.) He didn't think he'd let Ianto know that, just yet. He quite liked the hand and arm where it was.  
He grinned at him. "I guess that does make us a couple, then."

Ianto blushed, again. "I could imagine worse things," he quietly agreed.

Jack's smile crumbled. "Yeah. Me too."

Gwen looked at him, feeling the need to help him, too, in a way. She did not want to impose, but couldn't keep herself from asking. "So what was it, then? What did you see?"

Jack kept his eyes on Ianto for a moment. Living and breathing and beautiful Ianto. Then he took a deep breath. "Oh, you know me…" He grinned at Gwen. "Monsters, fights. End of the world." _The end of my world._ "The usual."

But his hand tightened on Ianto's waist just that little bit more.

**END**

_20090710_

It ain't over till it's over ;-P


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